Leadership in the Home & Community - Jenet Jacob

Dr. Jenet Jacob gave a lecture on Leadership in the Home and Community. From what she said, these are some of the things I found most memorable:

1. Though there may be many problems that we face as a family in today's world, eating dinner together regularly can help A LOT in keeping the family together and happy.

I thought this was quite surprising actually. The simple act of having dinner together can be such an all-encompassing solution? That's definitely something I can try to do in my own family.

2. Families that succeed are intentional - steering and paddling are the only ways to head north.

Another surprising fact. Families don't just succeed. You have to make it work, you have to keep paddling, you have to TRY to make a good family. These don't happen by accident.

3. "Many of the social restraints which in the past have helped to reinforce and to shore up the family are dissolving and disappearing. The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us." -Spencer W. Kimball-

I think those times may be now.

4. The Father's role in the family is three P's: Preside, Provide, and Protect. Presiding involves scheduling of space and time. That's the DAD's JOB! Not the mother's!

I realize the father's role as a Priesthood bearer makes him the patriarch of the family, and thus greatly responsible for the family. I think oftentimes we leave the planning to our mothers, but it's OUR role as fathers to make sure that we have regularly scheduled family time.

Ethical Leadership and Integrity - Vernon Heperi

"As I have experienced leadership that grows out of love I have found that it usually focuses on developing a climate of trust with is interpersonal integrity in which individuals can accept the individuality of others without sanctioning all of their behavior or words. Therefore, in a climate of trust, individuals can give open, candid reactions to what is right and what is wrong." -Neal A. Maxwell-

"In trust there can be no manipulation, no hidden agenda, no saccharine sweetness which minimizes real problems. Instead, in the leadership of love, there is a congruency in concepts, ocnduct, and concern, a unity appropriate to membership in The Church of him who taught a oneness that could be achieved without risking individuality." -Neal A. Maxwell-

"It's not between you and them. It's between you and God." -Mother Teresa-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_90gOmxprhM

This video that Brother Heperi showed us was quite amazing. It made me want to be a child again; because that's when I was so happy and positive. I never judged anybody and I never could understand why people could hate each other so, and I could not understand why people fought. But as life went on, I realized that life wasn't full of goodness and mercy. There was anger, fear, regret, doubt, lust, and all kinds of pollution that fogged up our souls of divine origin. That is how I understand, to some degree, why the scriptures tell us become as children. We must be as children to always do good continually, without getting tired or exhausted, because that is the way we live! We must do good even when others do bad because that is how we live. I believe that a great leader is one who understands these principles. I believe that a great leader is one who encapsulates these principles in their core and live these principles in their lives.

Conflict Resolution - John Pace

"For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my first-born in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad." -2 Nephi 2:11-

What I got from this quote is that conflict isn't a bad thing! In fact, conflict is an essential part of life, and if there were no conflict, God, nor us would exist!

"Conflict is the source of all growth and an absolute necessity if one is to be alive..." -Jean Baker Miller-

Morton Deutsch said that the basic question isn't how to prevent conflict, but how to prevent conflict from being destructive. The point is not to eliminate the conflict, but how to make it productive (The Resolution of Conflict, New Haven and London: Yale University Press, 1973, p.17-18).

This is the conflict behavior model. The highest point, as we can see, is collaboration. I took the Thomas-Kilman Conflict Mode Instrument quiz and my results were as follows:

Competing - 3

Collaborating - 9

Compromising - 6

Avoiding - 4

Accomodating - 8

Overall, I daresay that this is a healthy balance of conflict-resolution methods as different situations call for different methods of resolution. For example, when a fight is about to blow up in your face, you don't want to compete or compromise or collaborate with the person. For now, you want to accommodate and avoid until tempers have cooled down and both parties are ready to speak constructively and actively engage in order to resolve the issues.

"We can't be agents of peace until our own hearts are at peace" and "While a heart at peace alone won't solve your complex outer problems, those problems can't begin to be solved without it" (The Anatomy of Peace, Arbinger Institute, p.157, 198). These quotes stuck to my heart because there was a situation in my leadership role in which that very principle was demonstrated. So one morning, I woke up my roommate to cook breakfast, as we had agreed upon just the night before. However, my roommate was not in a very good mood, and in his annoyance, he spake minor words of annoyance and then left the room. I was at first, surprised by how ludicrous it was to see a man forget the agreement he had just made the night before and allow his anger to flow out to an innocent person. Then, I started to get angry at the thought of his actions. My violent urges started to flow in my heart. Then, knowing that I was not feeling the spirit, I got down on my knees and prayed unto the Lord to soothe my heart, and to help me forgive my roommate. I prayed three more times after that and by the time I had calmed my heart, I was ready to go out. So I went out into the living room and asked my roommate if we should make breakfast now. My roommate was surprised at how calm I was. He had expected me to get angry at him, but seeing my countenance so calm and peaceful, a light of respect seemed to enter his eyes. We made breakfast together and we went back to being loving roommates. It is so true that there must be peace at heart in order for us to resolve our issues. If I had not taken the effort to tame my anger, I would have most undoubtedly started up a fight with my roommate.

Christian Courage: The Price of Discipleship

"We should be like Edward Partridge, of whom the Lord said, 'His heart is pure before me, for he is like unto Nathanael of old, in whom there is no guile' (DC 41:11). To be guileless is to have a childlike innocence, to be slow to take offense and quick to forgive... To be guileless is to look for our own fault first... Without guile, true disciples avoid being unduly judgmental of others' views" (Ensign, Nov 2009, p.72-75).