Conflict Resolution - John Pace

"For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my first-born in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad." -2 Nephi 2:11-

What I got from this quote is that conflict isn't a bad thing! In fact, conflict is an essential part of life, and if there were no conflict, God, nor us would exist!

"Conflict is the source of all growth and an absolute necessity if one is to be alive..." -Jean Baker Miller-

Morton Deutsch said that the basic question isn't how to prevent conflict, but how to prevent conflict from being destructive. The point is not to eliminate the conflict, but how to make it productive (The Resolution of Conflict, New Haven and London: Yale University Press, 1973, p.17-18).

This is the conflict behavior model. The highest point, as we can see, is collaboration. I took the Thomas-Kilman Conflict Mode Instrument quiz and my results were as follows:

Competing - 3

Collaborating - 9

Compromising - 6

Avoiding - 4

Accomodating - 8

Overall, I daresay that this is a healthy balance of conflict-resolution methods as different situations call for different methods of resolution. For example, when a fight is about to blow up in your face, you don't want to compete or compromise or collaborate with the person. For now, you want to accommodate and avoid until tempers have cooled down and both parties are ready to speak constructively and actively engage in order to resolve the issues.

"We can't be agents of peace until our own hearts are at peace" and "While a heart at peace alone won't solve your complex outer problems, those problems can't begin to be solved without it" (The Anatomy of Peace, Arbinger Institute, p.157, 198). These quotes stuck to my heart because there was a situation in my leadership role in which that very principle was demonstrated. So one morning, I woke up my roommate to cook breakfast, as we had agreed upon just the night before. However, my roommate was not in a very good mood, and in his annoyance, he spake minor words of annoyance and then left the room. I was at first, surprised by how ludicrous it was to see a man forget the agreement he had just made the night before and allow his anger to flow out to an innocent person. Then, I started to get angry at the thought of his actions. My violent urges started to flow in my heart. Then, knowing that I was not feeling the spirit, I got down on my knees and prayed unto the Lord to soothe my heart, and to help me forgive my roommate. I prayed three more times after that and by the time I had calmed my heart, I was ready to go out. So I went out into the living room and asked my roommate if we should make breakfast now. My roommate was surprised at how calm I was. He had expected me to get angry at him, but seeing my countenance so calm and peaceful, a light of respect seemed to enter his eyes. We made breakfast together and we went back to being loving roommates. It is so true that there must be peace at heart in order for us to resolve our issues. If I had not taken the effort to tame my anger, I would have most undoubtedly started up a fight with my roommate.

Christian Courage: The Price of Discipleship

"We should be like Edward Partridge, of whom the Lord said, 'His heart is pure before me, for he is like unto Nathanael of old, in whom there is no guile' (DC 41:11). To be guileless is to have a childlike innocence, to be slow to take offense and quick to forgive... To be guileless is to look for our own fault first... Without guile, true disciples avoid being unduly judgmental of others' views" (Ensign, Nov 2009, p.72-75).